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Desiderata by Max Ehrmann is a 1927 prose poem. "Desiderata" (Latin: "desired things")
16. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. In Desiderata commentary #13, I wrote about my spiritual regimen which established the foundation of my “wholesome discipline.” This was, and still is, my absolute favorite instruction. It gave me permission to be patient with myself while working toward being the person I was meant to be. I could still be self-critical, but didn't have to let it immobilize my progress, stunt my empowerment, or debilitate me. Over a period of years, step by step, I eventually established a wholesome discipline. The health areas of my life that required discipline were healthy eating, physical condition, psychological, emotional, professional, spiritual, financial, mothering. This instruction brought to mind the saying, “When we feel the burn, we know it's working.”, particularly in physical exercise. Let's be real. An exercise regimen is difficult enough to establish and maintain without discerning how much pain we are obligated to inflict upon ourselves. Who wants that? If we're not gentle with ourselves, why would we expect others to be more genteel to us than we are to ourselves? Or to be kinder or more tolerant of us than we are to ourselves? To expect them to affirm on a daily basis that we have intrinsic value, although they have no clue as to our secret insecurities? Being gentle with ourselves is loving ourselves unconditionally while accepting our imperfections. This allows us to take the time to examine these flaws or imperfections to re-frame them as strengths. We can recognize that there will be times when we can use those traits powerfully and effectively. The same is true with our insecurities. We need to accept our insecurities as having a function until we can securely say otherwise. This doesn't preclude us from examining those insecurities to figure out how they originated and whether or not they're valid. Finally, what really stands out for me in this instruction is that it gives us permission to put ourselves first. Not in a selfish self-centered way, but as an example to demonstrate to others what it looks like to be gentle with oneself while practicing a wholesome discipline. It's never too late to incorporate this salient, empowering instruction into our living. We can promise ourselves to be our own BFF rather than our own worst enemy. Thank you for reading. What are your thoughts? Dedicated to my sons, Jibri and Chris, my privilege and blessing. EcwmB
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Desiderata by Max Ehrmann is a 1927 prose poem. ("Desiderata" Latin: "desired things") 5. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. This instruction tells me that we are to compete with ourselves. Competing with ourselves mitigates, somewhat, the traps of vanity and bitterness. It's okay to have role models, to aspire to a vision, or to emulate the qualities of greatness; but, when I compare myself with others, it's not pretty. It's pathetic. It stems from low self-esteem and insecurity. It's a false equivalency, elusive and fleeting. The only constant is me. I know my story, my character, my skill set, my P.R.I.V.I. Comparing myself with others is like shopping at an exclusive store that's too expensive for my budget; that carries items that don't fit me or my lifestyle; that's located in an area that's hard to reach; and has folks who don't want to wait on me, anyway. I'm there to feed my vanity, but I end up leaving bitter. To choose not to compare myself with others, but instead choosing to compete with myself requires knowing what I bring to the table; and the courage and determination to do the best I can with what I have. This is the stuff of originality. My stuff. Your stuff. Comparing ourselves to others takes considerable psychological energy, and very little creative and emotional energy; however, competing with ourselves is all consuming. It's a battle between mediocrity and excellence, and we're the evaluators. We set the standard. Our originality does not necessarily prevent others from making comparisons. They may point out similarities and differences that could, unintentionally, engender in us either vanity or bitterness - if we let it. The difference is, we're not doing the comparing; we're the comparee, not the comparer. Competing with ourselves has its rewards. It forces us to be self analytical and use critical thinking skills to attain excellence. it encourages us to ask pertinent and focused questions to attain clarity. It gives us the courage to move forward with our stuff knowing that there will always be a need and a place for healthy unapologetic innovation, uniqueness, and originality. Always there will be greater and lesser persons than ourselves. We can accept that as true. It's called diversity. Each of us has a purpose that no one else can perform. Accepting that truth, nullifies the threat of vanity and bitterness. Thank you for reading. What are your thoughts? Dedicated to my sons Jibri and Chris, my privilege and blessing. EcwmB Desiderata by Max Ehrmann is a 1927 prose poem. ("Desiderata" Latin: "desired things")
4. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If a loud person is one who is obnoxious, prideful, arrogant, inconsiderate, egotistical, pushy - taking up all the oxygen in the room - I pay attention to how their behavior is affecting me. It's the same with aggressive persons. If they are intimidating, bullying, insensitive – taking up all the oxygen in the room - either type sends me to my place of sanity, solace and reflection. But loud and aggressive persons being vexatious to the spirit is a warning that I had not really considered. The warning is to protect my spirit. The overtone of the Desiderata is spiritual. This is the first time the Desiderata speaks to the status of the spirit, but not the last. We are responsible for recognizing threats to our spirit. If you consider yourself to be a spiritual being as I do, then spirituality is intertwined with identity. So when I protect my spirituality, I'm protecting my identity. My identity is associated with my P.R.I.V.I. My P.R.I.V.I. is based on my spirituality. Individuals respond to loud and aggressive persons differently. Individuals see and experience these characteristics differently. I must recognize that someone whom I may consider to be loud and aggressive may not seem so to you. I must respect that you are having a different experience than I – which sends me to my place of sanity, solace and reflection. Loud and aggressive persons are only one example of vexatiousness to the spirit. Sanctimonious and self-righteous persons can be vexatious to the spirit as well. Stingy and greedy persons can be vexatious to the spirit. Even the dull and ignorant can be vexatious to the spirit. We are responsible for recognizing what is vexatious to our spirit, then taking action to protect our spirit. We do this by exerting the qualities of the spirit to bring us to understanding by introspection; give us direction by asking; experience enlightenment by listening - causing us to act with equilibrium. Thank yoy for reading. What are your thoughts? Dedicated to my sons, Jibri and Chris, my privilege and blessing. EcwmB Desiderata by Max Ehrmann is a 1927 prose poem. ("Desiderata" Latin: "desired things") 3. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Truth is complicated. It's personal. I call it one's P.R.I.V.I. It's based on one's passions, roles, interests, values and issues. It also includes one's principles, ethics, perspective and the situation at hand. When speaking my truth, I've learned to claim it as my truth. Therefore, if it's my truth, why not shout it out to make sure folks are hearing me? If they hear me the first time, there would be no reason to speak it again and no confusion in the future. It's done. Let's move on. Not so fast. My moment of truth is perpetual. Perpetually shouting that truth can cause hoarseness at its best and becomes as sounding brass at its worst. Not just to others, but to myself as well. So if I can't speak my truth quietly and clearly, maybe I shouldn't speak it at all, understanding that not speaking it doesn't change my truth. If I'm confident in my truth, it seems I should feel comfortable speaking it quietly and clearly – first to myself – aloud, if necessary – then, to others, if called for. Looking back, I have to admit that I have been “dull and ignorant,” like last week. As a customer, I was not listened to. In fact, the customer service representative talked over me, that is, I was speaking my truth and she was speaking her truth and neither of us was listening. I think we both considered the other “dull and ignorant.” Now, maybe I'm old school, but I think as a customer, that “I, too, have my story” and my concerns should be taken seriously. I was trying to speak my truth quietly and clearly. However, I became indignant and firmly told her that she was talking over me and I didn't like it. Okay, I yelled at her. She graciously apologized. I finally realized that from my perspective, she seemed limited in her ability to empathize, analyze, and in her desire to go above and beyond. Perhaps she thought I was being unreasonable because I was asking for information that required her to go above and beyond. Our next conversation was cordial, but unfortunately, unproductive and unsatisfying. My truth had not change; therefore, it was still my responsibility to continue speaking my truth and learning more about myself in the process, and the subject that was the impetus for the call. As far as listening to others, even the dull and ignorant; I can attest that they, too, have their story. This is mine. Thank you for reading. What are your thoughts? Dedicated to my sons, Jibri and Chris, my privilege and blessing. EcwmB |
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